Is It Okay for Married People to Watch Porn?

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No. Okay, that was a little harsh.  But hear me out.  This is not a moral discourse on the propriety of pornography in general but rather a consideration of what it does to your marriage (or other committed relationship). While some writers have waxed enthusiastic about the benefits of porn watching, common sense – to say nothing of my clinical experience – tells me that the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits.  This is true of both the folks watching it solo and those watching as a couple.  Let’s take it one at a time. (Warning: this post doesn't pull any punches - be prepared for frank la...
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Don’t Start Couples Counseling Before You Read This!

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If you are considering seeing a couples counselor/marriage therapist to address a problem in your relationship, there are a few things it’s vital for you to know before you jump in. 1. Be prepared to change Many people come in to couples therapy feeling like their spouse or partner is causing the problem.  They ask their therapist, sometimes explicitly and sometimes implicitly, to “fix” their partner.  But more often than not, both parties will have to do some changing to make a difference in the problem.  Importantly, this is often true even when one of you is objectively doing something wr...
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Can an Affair Help the Relationship?

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Many people believe that infidelity unavoidably spells the end of a relationship.  However, the truth is that many relationships survive the injury of an affair, and in fact many get much better in the aftermath.  If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation, you don’t need to despair of your relationship; it can certainly be saved if both partners are willing (which, of course, is a big question). We have helped numerous couples move beyond cheating in the relationship, whether they are dating, engaged, or already married.  And indeed in many of these couples, the relationship reache...
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Is Your Relationship Worth It?

Is your relationship worth it? hi
Ever wonder whether the relationship you're in is worth the trouble?  Worth the fights, the arguments, the crying?  On one hand, you love your significant other. On the other hand, when things get rough, they get really rough.  What do you do?  How do you know? Check out this latest article at http://www.blogher.com/your-relationship-worth-it to read more about it. And, as always, contact us to find out how we can help you with exactly this kind of situation!
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“I Caught My Husband Watching Porn”

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If you’ve just discovered your boyfriend or husband watching porn online – perhaps extensively – you may be feeling shock, anger, disappointment, betrayal, and more.  You also may be confused about what this means for your marriage. Or, you might be very clear about whether you want to fix it or end it.  Many women feel if their husband has turned to pornography it means he is no longer interested in her or no longer finds her attractive.  This can take a toll on your self-esteem, to say nothing of your relationship with him. In reality, any reaction you have is understandable. There is no ...
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After the Affair: The Importance of Coming Clean Entirely

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When someone has an affair and is discovered or comes clean on their own, their instinct is often to soften the blow and/or minimize the damage, especially if they still care about their partner and want to cause the least pain possible. As a result, they will reveal only a part of the information, or no more than what has already been found out. The thinking is that more information will only hurt the betrayed partner more, and why do that to them? In fact, the only way to repair the problem is to come clean – fully. In the same way that the betraying partner believed they could cover up t...
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Counseling, Time, and Change

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Every now and then I hear about a “great new therapy” that promises fast results and lasting change (often after a single session or treatment). I am highly skeptical of such approaches and I encourage you to do some due diligence before signing up for one. The process of human change is not nearly as mysterious as we may think. It has in fact been studied at length and there is a good deal of research that informs the way agents of change – therapists, in this case – ought to be working. In short, change does not happen overnight. In the evidence-based Stages of Change model, the “action pha...
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Rebuilding Relationships

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A common dynamic that I encounter in doing marriage counseling is that one partner will want to convince the other of some aspect of him/herself and get frustrated/angry/hopeless when they can’t seem to do so. Let’s take trust for an example, in a relationship between hypothetical clients Martin and Tia. Let’s say that there has been a breach in the relationship – maybe Martin person cheated on Tia, or has been viewing pornography extensively (which Tia disapproves of or resents), or maybe it’s a different kind of breach, like a huge financial expense that he made by one party without asking o...
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Couples Counseling Success Story

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I recently worked with a couple that came in with a serious break in their relationship.  They were pretty despairing and didn't know how to handle the problem.  I give them a lot of credit for the honest look they both took at themselves and the hard work they put into this.  In only two sessions, they were fully back on track to where they wanted to be.  While this is the kind of work I do all the time - not necessarily in so short a time - I thought it was worth sharing on the blog because of the truly wonderful letter they sent me a few days ago (names and details changed): Just wanted to...
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A New Approach to Dealing with Cheaters

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I'm not saying I recommend this, but it certainly is one avenue a person could take...   www.cnn.com/2015/09/24/europe/cheating-husband-billboard-sign Looking for information on this issue that's a little more helpful? Take a look at our services for couples with infidelity problems at https://baltimoretherapycenter.com/counseling-services/counseling-for-couples/affair.
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Infidelity Now and Then

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In the wake of the Ashley Madison leak, I got a lot of questions from friends and colleagues about the extent of the infidelity problem in America (at least, for those who consider it a problem). I don’t know that I’m really the best person to answer that question given that people usually don’t come to see me when they are having no issues in their marriage or relationship, but I must say, at least from my perspective, that the problem is rampant. In fact, the majority of all the couples cases I work with involve issues of infidelity. Sometimes it’s not the initial problem they present with, ...
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#1 Marriage and Family Counselor in Baltimore!

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Hooray! We're listed as the #1 marriage and family counselor in Baltimore on Thumbtack.com! https://www.thumbtack.com/md/baltimore/marriage-and-family-counselors/ Contact us today for help with all kinds of relationship issues, including: dating marriage infidelity/cheating breakups trust communication conflict resolution ...and more. Learn more about our counseling services for couples and families here.    
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What to Expect in Couples Counseling

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Many clients call up for the first time wanting to know what couples counseling will be like. No doubt there is a nervousness there about starting a process that you don’t know much about. In this post I want to give some basic information about what you can expect from couples counseling and hopefully make it a little less intimidating. It’s a process that really does work! First of all, there is no special procedure you have to undergo to get an appointment. At least at the Baltimore Therapy Center, all you need to do is call or e-mail us and we will find an available time slot that works...
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The Truth About Married Sex

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I thought that this article about sex in marriage was really worth sharing.  The basic premise is that sex in marriage is something you have to work at (like marriage itself, of course).  When you were 18 and dating you probably had to hold yourself back from sexual activity most of the time; unfortunately, that same kind of desire and excitement is not the norm in marriage. Sexuality in marriage is very different from what it is in dating.  Marriage is nicely designed for security, stability, and constancy.  These are not necessarily great aphrodisiacs.  People get turned on by newness and...
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Recovering from an Affair

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An affair is often thought of as a death blow to a marriage –the worst thing that could possibly happen to the relationship, from which there can be no recovery. The truth is that a couple can still save their marriage . . .     https://www.wellness.com/blog/13270625/how-to-recover-from-an-affair/raffi-bilek   Learn more about our couples counseling services here.
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Do You Need Couples Counseling?

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Are you in need of couples counseling?  How would you even know whether you are or not?  Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether you are a candidate for marriage counseling: Is your marriage/relationship more often negative than positive? Do you feel indifferent towards your spouse/significant other, or sense that s/he feels indifferent to you? Are you looking for something different from your relationship but can’t even define what? Do you find yourself dreading being with your spouse/significant other on a regular basis? Has your spouse/significant ...
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Love after Adultery

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It is commonly thought that adultery is a certain death blow to a marriage. After all, what could possibly do more injury to a relationship than an affair? It strikes us as the worst thing someone could do. Heck, it even made it into the Ten Commandments! I once heard a counselor say to me, “I can generally save any marriage, as long as it doesn’t involve adultery.” So it’s certainly a widespread perception, even among professionals. The truth is, however, that adultery doesn’t have to mean the end of a marriage. This is not at all to minimize the severity of the offense; rather, it reflect...
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Does Sexting Count as Cheating?

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Many people aren’t sure how to answer this question. When a married man is sending inappropriate text messages to another woman (or vice versa), does that “count” as an affair? The answer is really a subjective one. When a man cheats on his wife, or a woman on her husband, the problem is not so much the act that took place as it is the breach of trust – one of the parties broke the implicit promise made when they established a committed relationship. Most people understand that a person can be cheating even if there was no sex involved. If a married man takes a woman out on a romantic date,...
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