5 Signs of a Bad Therapist You Shouldn’t Ignore

The unfortunate reality is that there are lousy therapists out there. It’s true.

It’s not that hard for a nasty person to get a master’s degree and a counseling license – they just need to be able to pass some tests and write some papers. A nasty person is not what you want for a therapist. 

But since therapists rarely advertise on their websites that they are nasty people, you are unlikely to discover this unless you go in for a session with them. And that is actually probably the best way to find out – regardless of how many reviews they have on Google or what your friend’s uncle said about their therapist, you’ll never really know if they’re a good fit for you unless you give them a shot.

So what are some red flags you want to look out for when searching for a therapist in Baltimore? Let’s look at some common signs of a bad therapist.

1. They’re judgmental.

A therapist’s office is a very vulnerable place to be.  You are supposed to have a conversation with a total stranger about what are likely some very personal issues. You open yourself up, discussing your successes and strengths, but also your weaknesses and mistakes. 

If your therapist reacts to the things you disclose with disapproval, disdain, horror, shock, contempt, etc., you probably want to look for another therapist. It is not the therapist’s place to state that you are a bad person because of your [addiction to drugs, sexual preferences, inability to be assertive, you name it].

It is their job to help you fix the problem. And if you don’t feel they respect you, it is unlikely they’ll be able to do the job.

2. They don’t listen.

Listening is obviously one of the therapist’s most important tools. We need to learn about you to understand what you’re going through, and you are different from everyone else we’ve ever met. 

While there may be similarities to other issues we’ve dealt with, a therapist who puts you in a box and offers a cookie-cutter solution to your problems is not doing the best they can.  You are a unique individual and you deserve to be treated as one. If you feel your therapist isn’t listening to what you are saying, doesn’t “get” you, jumps to solutions before hearing the entire problem – you might want to question whether this is the therapist for you.

3. They don’t talk.

Sometimes all you want is a listening ear; however, if you are looking for help with depression, or anxiety, or a difficult life sitaution, you're probably looking for more than that. You are hoping to make changes in your life and if all you're getting is “how does that make you feel?” or “sounds like you’re very upset by that,” you are probably going to be a little frustrated.

If you’ve never been to therapy before you might assume that’s all there is to get out of it, but that is far from the case.  Therapy should be a dialogue between the two of you in which the therapist not only reflects what you’re saying but helps you figure out what you want to do differently.  While a good therapist generally won’t tell you what is right or wrong, they can certainly tell you what is effective.

For example, if a client were to their therapist about spanking children, the therapist might respond with what they know about the effectiveness of spanking as a parenting tool in order to help them decide whether it’s a practice they want to engage in or not; but (assuming we are not talking about severe physical abuse), they would not necessarily tell them whether they should or should not do it.

4. They talk too much.

Your therapist is not supposed to be your friend. They are there to help you with your issues, not to shoot the breeze (although some pleasantries at the start of a session is normal – but if you prefer to jump straight to the meaty stuff, you should feel free to tell your therapist that!).

And they are certainly not there to deal with their own stuff! There are shocking stories out there about therapists asking clients for advice in the client’s field (say, legal advice from a client who’s a lawyer), venting about other clients, or even complaining about their significant others to their clients!

Needless to say, if you find your therapist doing this, that’s not ok.

5. They treat you like a business deal.

Of course, therapy does cost money. And that money is going from you to your therapist.  After all, therapists have to buy groceries just like you.  But that does not mean that money is or should be the foundation of your relationship to your therapist. 

If you don’t feel like your therapist cares about you as a person and your success in meeting your goals, they aren’t right for you.  Therapists are not technicians, fixing a problem as a mechanic fixes a car, getting paid, and sending you off. Therapists are people just like clients are people, and it is in fact the relationship between these two people that is the essence of therapy. 

If you are a dollar sign to your therapist and not a person, you are not getting what you need out of therapy.

What Do You Do If You See Signs of a Bad Therapist?

Sadly, there are many bad therapists out there.  But there are many good ones too!  If you aren’t sure the one you’ve found is one of the good ones, you should feel no shame or guilt in moving on and trying someone new. You’re not obligated to stay with the first (or second, or third) therapist you try.

That said, if you try 10 therapists and don’t like any of them, the problem may be with you and not them. Also, trying therapists is a good idea to get started; running from therapist to therapist after several months because the process gets challenging or uncomfortable is not a winning strategy.

Looking for a good therapist in Baltimore? Give us a call. We have some ideas for you!