Our Love-Hate Relationship with Alcohol

Many of us have said it to ourselves over and over again:

“I only drink alcohol as a social lubricant. What’s the big deal?”

“I drink when I’m anxious just to take the edge off.”

“I work hard; I deserve it.”

At first glance, it sounds pretty harmless. Drinking is common. Drinking in social settings is common. Having a drink after a hard day is common. And sometimes, it really can feel like alcohol helps us relax, open up, or get through an uncomfortable moment.

But when we dig a little deeper, it is not quite so simple.

Is Alcohol Really Helping Us Connect?

Drinking in social settings can certainly be fun. It can lower our inhibitions and make conversation feel easier. But at the same time, it can rob us of the opportunity to develop and engage important social skills, such as being able to “read the room,” tolerate awkwardness, manage differences of opinion, or connect with people without needing something outside of ourselves to make it possible.

Alcohol can also cause us to misrepresent ourselves. The people with whom we interact while intoxicated do not actually get to know the person we truly are. Instead, they see a louder, blurrier, sometimes sloppier version of that person. That may not be the best way to begin a relationship, build trust, or create meaningful connection!

Sure, being in social settings can be uncomfortable, and alcohol can lessen that discomfort. But if being social while sober is difficult, it may benefit us to explore what it is about the experience that feels so hard.

Are we lacking self-confidence?

Are we afraid of what others will think of us?

Where does that fear come from?

Can we risk going into social settings sober to see whether our interpersonal relationship skills need some exercise? What is really stopping us from feeling good enough to represent ourselves without altering our brain chemistry? Why is our anxiety so high? What is it about sharing who we really are with others that feels so overwhelmingly risky?

Have we given up on ourselves so much that we mask our identities by becoming tipsy, loud individuals who can blame any less-than-perfect dynamics on inebriation? If so, what does that say about us? It certainly does not lend itself to making meaningful connections with others. Is alcohol really a social lubricant, or is it more of a social deterrent?

Is Your Relationship with Alcohol Becoming a Problem?

For many people, the issue is not that they are “addicted” in the way they imagine addiction looks. They may still be going to work, caring for their families, paying their bills, and keeping up appearances. They may not need rehab. They may not even be sure whether their drinking is “bad enough” to get help.

But their relationship with alcohol may still be taking up too much space.

Alcohol may be turning into the thing we reach for when we are lonely, anxious, bored, resentful, overwhelmed, or unsure of ourselves. It may be the thing we use to celebrate, relax, connect, disconnect, sleep, avoid, cope, and escape. At some point, it is worth asking: if alcohol is our answer to everything, what questions are we not willing to face?

When Alcohol Becomes a Way to Manage Anxiety

Do we really believe that alcohol decreases our anxiety? Do we take the time to examine what it is we are even anxious about? The root cause is worth looking into. When we have any ongoing uncomfortable difficulty, we usually do not want to simply treat symptoms forever. We want to understand what is happening underneath.

Are we convinced that drinking will solve the problem?

Most people realize that while alcohol may quiet anxiety in the short run, it often makes anxiety worse in the long run. It can contribute to dehydration, unstable blood sugar, disrupted sleep, irritability, and increased anxiety the next day. The body also has to work hard to process alcohol.

Once alcohol enters the bloodstream, it travels to the liver, where enzymes convert it into acetaldehyde, a toxic substance the body then has to break down further. So while alcohol may feel like relief in the moment, it may actually be creating more of the very discomfort we are trying to escape.

And yet, even when we know this, many of us are still drinking.

Rather than choosing to take care of our mental and physical health, we may turn off our thoughts and numb ourselves. We may tell ourselves it is not a big deal because other people drink more. We may say we can stop whenever we want, even though we have not actually tried.

We may make rules for ourselves — only on weekends, only socially, only after work, only wine, only two drinks — and then we go right ahead and break those rules.

This does not always mean a person needs rehab. But it may mean something important is happening.

It may mean we need support before things get worse.

It may mean we need help building skills for anxiety, stress, relationships, loneliness, or emotional pain.

It may mean we need to learn how to live more honestly without needing alcohol to soften every edge.

Support Before, After, or Instead of Rehab

Questioning your relationship with alcohol does not mean you are weak, broken, or beyond help. It may simply mean that a part of you is ready to be more honest.

It may mean you are beginning to notice that alcohol is no longer giving you what it once seemed to promise. It may mean you are tired of waking up with regret, anxiety, embarrassment, or the feeling that you are not fully in charge of your own choices.

For people who have already gone through rehab or treatment, these questions can also continue long after the drinking stops. Recovery is not only about removing alcohol. It is also about learning how to live without needing to escape yourself. It is about building a life that feels stable, meaningful, and connected enough that numbing no longer feels like the only option.

Substance abuse counseling can help with that process. Counseling is not only for people at rock bottom! It is also for people who are just beginning to wonder whether their relationship with alcohol is costing them more than they want to admit.

It is for people in recovery who have already done the hard work of stopping and now need support building a life that feels healthy and sustainable. It is for people who are not sure what they need yet but know they do not want to keep repeating the same cycle.

Do we want to discover who we can become, or continue to dim our own light and wake up with an all-too-familiar hangover?

What are we really avoiding?

What are we afraid of when we imagine getting through an entire week without alcohol?

What would we feel if we stopped numbing ourselves?

What kind of life might become possible if we learned how to face discomfort directly instead of drinking our way around it?

Come on the journey to find out.