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Childhood trauma or abuse is, unfortunately, a common occurrence that can change the course of one's life. As a parent, you are likely doing everything possible to ensure your child grows up in a safe and positive environment. Abuse can happen quickly and unexpectedly, however—even by people you thought you trusted. You may not know what to do or where to turn after your child experiences trauma, but there are a few ways you can support their healing journey as much as possible.
Do Some Research
Abuse or trauma can often result in some unexpected behavior from your child. They may experience anxiety, social withdrawal, low self-esteem, or other mood swings. Knowing what to expect after abuse and how to advocate for your child can help you make more informed decisions about their care. Learn about helpful techniques to alleviate anxiety. Get recommendations for local trauma-informed mental health professionals. Consult with an attorney to understand your legal rights and options. When you do research about what to expect and how to manage life after a traumatic event, you can be a more comforting and protective presence.
Create a Safe Environment
Your child will need somewhere they feel safe after dealing with a major trauma. They should be surrounded by people they trust in an environment that feels comfortable to them. Certain triggers may remind them of their experience and cause panic. Help them through these difficulties through grounding or mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on what they can see, smell, hear, and feel. Establish routines that feel normal and safe to them. When things are predictable, they tend to be calmer. It doesn't hurt to reassure them of your love and protection from time to time. Be a healthy example for good mental health habits. Advocate for them and ensure they receive the support they need as well.
Practice Listening Skills
Trauma from abuse can be overwhelming and, at times, humiliating. Your child will go through a lot of mental and emotional hurdles that can be more easily managed with support. The best way to be a positive and comforting force in your child's life is to listen with intent and respect. Believe the words they say to you, and encourage them to speak up without pushing them past their comfort levels. Validate their emotions by reflecting on what you hear and offering your support. When you're easier to talk to by being an active listener for your child, you're more likely to be the first to know if something is wrong—or right—in their life. Don't punish them for being honest or admitting their feelings.
Validate Their Feelings
Active listening and feedback aren't the only ways to validate your child after trauma. If your child is experiencing heavy emotions or mood swings, try to avoid punishing them. Let them know that their feelings are valid, regardless of how “ugly” they may present. Teach your children productive ways to handle and express emotions; mental health professionals can help with this. Assure them often that what they went through was in no way their fault.
Seek Professional Help
It's difficult to parent a child on your own. When your child goes through a traumatic event such as abuse, you will want a team on your side to help you. Mental health professionals can help guide your child to healthy coping mechanisms and emotional expression. They can help your child process the trauma and heal in a way that is safe and comfortable for them. Therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors can all work with you and your child to make life easier and less stressful.
Practice Self-Care
Parenting a child who has experienced trauma can be emotionally difficult for you as well. Don't be afraid to seek mental health support for yourself. Take breaks whenever you need to. Allow community members, co-parents, or other family members to lend a hand. Take time to do things for yourself and keep your health in check as well. Self-care is important; you mustn't neglect yourself while helping your child.
Be Patient
Healing isn't a linear process with a set timeline. It can take weeks, months, or even years for certain trauma to heal. Other feelings may not entirely subside. Sometimes, your child may experience mental health setbacks that feel like regression. It's essential to practice patience and be a source of support for your child, regardless of where you are on the recovery rollercoaster. Consistency and support can mitigate setbacks. Try not to expect too much too soon.
Seek Legal Support
Hiring an attorney can help you press charges, file a protective order, or seek compensation against an abuser. Even if criminal charges aren't possible due to a lack of evidence, consult with an attorney to understand your rights or options. You may be able to pursue civil court or other avenues. Attorneys can represent you in legal settings and help provide resources that can help you and your family recover. A case study of sexual abuse lawsuits in a youth center in Illinois, known as IYC Pere Marquette, showed that some families were able to pursue litigation against the facility after harm came to their children. An attorney can work with you to help you understand the legal side of things, allowing you to focus on recovering emotionally and physically with your family.
Conclusion
While supporting your child through trauma, including cases of abuse, is incredibly difficult for both you and your family, it's also very important. Your child will need support, love, and protection now more than ever. Validate their feelings and listen when they come to you. Create a comfortable space with a predictable routine. Advocate for your child and get mental health support for them and yourself when needed. Creating and being a safe space for your child to heal will help your family find peace at the end of a difficult road.