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Porn in Committed Relationships Revisited

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Blog on 30th May, 2019 By Raffi Bilek

One of the most read posts on this blog is where I talk about Is It Okay for Married People to Watch Porn? Recently a commenter asked the following question: What about marriage counselors that suggest a link between a woman’s lack of sexual desire and her lack of erotic imagination? The claim is that […]

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How often do normal couples have sex? (The answer may surprise you.)

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Blog on 19th February, 2019 By Raffi Bilek

How often do normal couples have sex?  As frequently or infrequently as they want. This question is erroneously based on the idea that there is some number, or even a range, that we have to hit in order to be normal. It ain’t so.  A healthy, happy sexual relationship is one in which both parties […]

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What Do You Do in Couples Counseling?

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Blog on 6th June, 2018 By Raffi Bilek

If you’ve never been to relationship counseling before, the whole thing might seem mysterious, confusing, and downright frightening. The truth is it’s really not as bad as you think it is. The representations of therapy you’ve seen on TV are almost certainly inaccurate – maybe you’ve seen people bopping each other with foam bats, engaging […]

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Is It Okay for Married People to Watch Porn?

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Blog on 30th January, 2018 By Raffi Bilek

No. Okay, that was a little harsh.  But hear me out.  This is not a moral discourse on the propriety of pornography in general but rather a consideration of what it does to your marriage (or other committed relationship). While some writers have waxed enthusiastic about the benefits of porn watching, common sense – to […]

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Don’t Start Couples Counseling Before You Read This!

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Blog on 10th January, 2018 By Raffi Bilek

If you are considering seeing a couples counselor/marriage therapist to address a problem in your relationship, there are a few things it’s vital for you to know before you jump in. 1. Be prepared to change Many people come in to couples therapy feeling like their spouse or partner is causing the problem.  They ask […]

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The Five Love Languages: Physical Touch

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Blog on 20th March, 2017 By Raffi Bilek

The last of the Five Love Languages is Physical Touch.  This one is in some ways very easy and in some ways very hard. It’s very easy because it’s pretty clear what we’re referring to when we say “physical touch.”  But it can also be very hard because for many people, it’s simply not natural. […]

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“I Caught My Husband Watching Porn”

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Blog on 27th July, 2016 By Raffi Bilek

If you’ve just discovered your boyfriend or husband watching porn online – perhaps extensively – you may be feeling shock, anger, disappointment, betrayal, and more.  You also may be confused about what this means for your marriage. Or, you might be very clear about whether you want to fix it or end it.  Many women […]

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Therapy for Women

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Blog on 18th April, 2016 By Caitlin Chana Hill

Why a post on therapy for women?  Is therapy somehow different for women than for men?  Do they face different issues? The answer is yes and no. Certainly the problems we help clients with are universal: anxiety, depression, loneliness, heartbreak, self-control, self-esteem, and more. But often these manifest differently in men and women, just as […]

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Infidelity Now and Then

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Blog on 24th September, 2015 By Raffi Bilek

In the wake of the Ashley Madison leak, I got a lot of questions from friends and colleagues about the extent of the infidelity problem in America (at least, for those who consider it a problem). I don’t know that I’m really the best person to answer that question given that people usually don’t come […]

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The Mama Bear Effect – Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Coloring Pages

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Blog on 24th March, 2015 By Raffi Bilek

A friend of mine passed these along to me – coloring pages to be used in discussing sexual abuse with your children.  Check them out at http://themamabeareffect.org/coloring-pages.html. I think they are fantastic!  This can really help children become active in their learning important principles about staying safe from abuse.  Remember that this topic is not […]

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The Truth About Married Sex

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Blog on 11th March, 2015 By Raffi Bilek

I thought that this article about sex in marriage was really worth sharing.  The basic premise is that sex in marriage is something you have to work at (like marriage itself, of course).  When you were 18 and dating you probably had to hold yourself back from sexual activity most of the time; unfortunately, that […]

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